Hello my dear and wonderful fans. This is Joan Crawford speaking. Normally I only come back from the dead to answer fan mail, but something was brought to my attention today that I felt warranted my return. It was recently told to me that a certain Hollywood hussy named Kate Winslet will be playing the role of Mildred Pierce in a remake. Now, I don’t know who this Kelly whore is, but let me tell you something, she doesn’t have the guts or the moxy or the talent to play this role like I did. If this little tramp thinks she can come along and play Mildred Pierce better than me, she better watch her back. In fact, she better start sleeping with one eye open anyway because I’m planning on finding out who this Kippy is and I’m going to strangle her.
Lovingly yours,
Joan Crawford
